chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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