I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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