youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
