There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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