apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
