Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
