Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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