Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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