no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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