i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
