So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
