mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
