Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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