No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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