So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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