with your own penis?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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