Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
