walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
