Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
