dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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