So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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