I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
