Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
