We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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