What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
