I want to stick my p in your. b.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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