In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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