you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
