Have you finally orgasmed yet?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
