are you so shy because you have an std?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
