I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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