You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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