i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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