OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
