Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
