Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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