He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
