it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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