Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
