watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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