so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
