when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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