Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
