Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
