can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
