Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
