Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
