Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
