69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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