Kareoke will never be a sober sport
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
