her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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