I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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