I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Actions speak louder than pants.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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