I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
