Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
