I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
