Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
