you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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