dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
