I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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