The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
