Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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