I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You ruined the universe
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
