I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wish my penis had a tongue
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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