She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
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We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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