just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something