Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it