Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.