i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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