Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
