the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
