i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
