Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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