I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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