You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
