maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
