A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
