I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
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I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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