my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
