But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
