I accidentally burped into my bong.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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