Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
