pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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