Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
